Exploring The Phenom That Is The Mormon Mother Blog
Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 09:59AM 
This is Miles letting us know he's ready for another bowl of Cheerios.
There's been some interesting duscussion on the internets about mothering and blogs and why some people are obsessed with Mormon housewife blogs. Go read that article and then come back. We'll wait for you.
I'm going to write some stuff now.
People love and hate Mormon women, including themselves and much of the rest of Mormonism. I'll probably get some hate mail for saying that, but I don't care. They're a fascinating crew because, from my observation up close and from far away, they experience equal parts reverence, respect, abuse, and sexism for what they do.
Frankly, this is not that different from mainstream mothering. Except that it is.
I never looked so good or took better care of myself than when I lived in Utah. Those people are friggin' gorgeous, and it takes some work to keep up. I also never felt more separated from my individuality. This is not to say that other people share my experience. I'm simply saying that there's a whole lot of pressure to be hot and talented and supportive and loud with a very quiet voice.
And for the people who share that collective voice, this is the happiest and loveliest place on Earth to live...it's a community of people who's connection is unending because it is both social and divine. Honestly, I would wish for everyone to have the same kind of compassion and support that this community offers. But, for the people who might have something else to say, this is not a friendly place. If you're in, you could not be more in. If you're out, you could not be more out. They really don't like to hear that, but it's true.
I have experienced both of those things to their fullest measure.
These mothers are fascinating like Brittany Spears or Miley Cyrus or Martha Stewart. We like to hold them up and look at them like specimens of purity and beauty. And to that end, these women (like Brittany, Miley, and Martha) have become very successful...especially the women for whom this lifestyle and this message are authentic and congruent with their soul.
I just worry about the mothers for whom this lifestyle and this message are not authentic or congruent. What happens when one of them wants to say something different and finds herself butting up against a culture that doesn't necessarily praise a different narrative? Is there a place for her? This is the part (like Brittany and Miley and Martha) where we wait with baited breath to see what our object of purity and beauty will do. And believe you me, the sick bastards that we are will be just as happy to see someone bite the dust as soar.
Reader Comments (7)
" What happens when one of them wants to say something different and finds herself butting up against a culture that doesn't necessarily praise a different narrative? Is there a place for her? "
You know the answer to this my friend and, I'll be the one to draw the venom here, it's 'no'. And not everyone will find the strength that you did to speak up. And that is a very sad thing.
I know you're gonna roll your eyes when you read this from me, but it's true. I hate living in Utah, for those very things you've described. You know me from our younger days (you roll your eyes, I gently punch your arm) but since then I've experienced almost every alienating situation with respect to this culture: sex before marriage, marrying a nonmember, being husbandless at church, being a working mom (even if out of necessity), THEN being single AND a mom, then having a blended family, and now working again after D was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago. When I lived in NY, I found a different Mormon culture, and it was more about the Be-attitudes and less about your hair color or breast size or yoga pants or car. I love the simplicity of the gospel but I can't wait to get out of here :) This was fun! Thanks for letting me vent!
Steph, I always enjoy reading what you share and thank you for sharing. I'm with Rachel on the living in UT thing. There are nice things about the place and then there are even more things that stink. My experiences living in TX and now in MD have been a refreshing change from the smothering status quo you so expertly described. I am not one to blend in or be quiet so I often find myself in the category that speaks a "different narrative". True, there are a lot of mormon women who aren't authentic. However, one super power that comes with being authentic is, you can spot others who are, and there are a large number of authentic mormon women. (most of which have probably lived outside of UT at some point in there life).
I'm getting distracted. My reason for commenting was to share what my cousin had to say about the very same article. I thought you might laugh about it. And, since I'm really, REALLY computer dumb, instead of posting a link, which I can't figure out for this post, I'm pasting.
Enjoy.
A friend sent me a link to an article…you can find it HERE. It’s written by a young feminist, atheist, who is secretly loves to read Mormon mommy blogs.
It kind of made me feel like I am part of something cool…although my blog is not quite the parade of unicorn farts that is characteristic of a lot of Mormon mommy blogs. I guess I don’t have that gene.
I guess I’m not typical when it comes to the Mormon Mommy world. I got married when I was 28, I had 2 degrees under my belt, and a career. So, I like to think of myself as a SAHFMM. (Stay-At-Home-Feminist-Mormon-Mommy) Because feminism means that I can choose to do whatever I want…and so, despite my two degrees, and lack of craftiness, I choose this.
Interestingly…the only people who seem to look at my choice with disdain are women. I just don’t get that.
I have a husband who knows that my job is harder than his, and calls me his Domestic Goddess…whenever I demand it, because I feel like I deserve it. *grin* We both have vital, but different, roles. He respects my role, and I respect his.
So, I will proudly carve my little niche in the blogging world with a little more whining, and a little less craftiness, approaching stay-at-home-motherhood with humor…without the candy coating. So…yes, I sent my husband out the door with a heart shaped homemade cookie and a kiss…but, I will also reveal that my children ate the rest of those cookies for breakfast, with a side of Diet Coke, because my 1 year old was up most of the night unable to poop, and I’m too tired to care if they eat a healthy breakfast. It’s the basic equivalent of pancakesanyway, right?
But, I reserve the right to make button earrings if I so desire. I’m a feminist and I can do whatever the crap I want. *sticks out tongue*
P. S. And in the spirit of complete honestly…in the time it’s taken me to write this blog entry…the one year old decided to stir the unflushed toilet with a toy spoon. *barf*
Thanks for hitting that old familiar nerve once again. I was avoiding that article until I read your post. Now I'm safely in the Know and better for it in the end.
Here's to our own drum...
Just tumbled into this, and just saying I wish all you wonderful people could visit members - mormon moms - in other countries. I'm sure outside Utah is good, but outside US could be even better :-)
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