The following post is proof that I have absolutely no plans to run for public office. I don't think you're allowed to write in painful detail about your pregnant boobs on the internet if you hope to one day be taken seriously as a candidate for Governor. I can already see my interview as a contender for Eva's School Board when a stuffy old shirt asks me about the time I wrote publicly about the size and gravity of my nursing tits.
I'm 19 weeks today, and, frankly, both of my pregnancies have been more about my boobs than my belly...at least for the first half. Actually, I think I'm getting ahead of myself. Perhaps a walk down memory lane will put things into greater perspective.
In junior high, the tender process of blossoming endowed me with a substantially uncomfortable size 34C chest. Yep, I was that girl with the tits when everyone else was barely pubescent. I got sick skinny in high school and shrunk to a size 32A and then, in college, a size 32B. Whatever happened after college, I blame fully and completely on Ferris. Since we've been together, I've gone from that little B to a whopping 32DD and a 34F when I was nursing. 34EEEEFFFFFFF, ladies and gentlemen! What could cause such a drastic change, you ask? I'm convinced Ferris made a deal with the devil.
Birth control, some weight gain, two pregnancies, and 15 months of nursing have all but destroyed my chest. It's known, affectionately, in the medical world as Coop's Droop wherein the tendon (Cooper's Tendon, the one that holds up the ladies) begins to stretch. Thus, the droop. It often happens to women with larger breasts, but it really hits the women whose breasts have grown and shrunk several times...like mine.
Having big boobs in and of itself is not all bad, but there are often some very uncomfortable side effects. Unfortunately, I've experienced most of those side effects because of Coop's Droop. I've had terrible back pain since my early 20's which has only gotten worse with the growing boobs. Once Eva arrived, I developed debilitating back spasms that made it impossible to sleep or rest in a comfortable way. Carrying the baby, the constant bending when nursing, and the sheer weight of my jugs were brutally painful. Everyone said my boobs would shrink to their smallest after I was done nursing, but it has been quite the opposite for me. Worst of all, however, are the divots that have developed on my shoulders where the bra straps have created permanent grooves from the burden of holding up these boulders.
To say the very least, I'm always in some form of discomfort, if not from the back pain then from the discomfort of wearing superhero brassieres. It's something that never goes away or ever gets better. Just this morning, I woke up from the sweetest dream I've had in a very long time. I dreamt I was on Oprah's special bra episode and one of those magical bra ladies measured and fitted me into the perfect bra for my body. The Heavens opened up and a choir of angels was singing the Hallelujah Chorus.
One of the reasons I'm writing about this is to learn from my big busted lady readers who might have a suggestion or two about how to deal with this. Recommendations for good bras? Massage? Tips for reduction surgery? I'm all ears and boobs, ladies.